Mailbag: What Did Brad Paisley Have for a Baby?

Staff | April 30th, 2009

Why isn’t John Rich singing with Big Kenny anymore?
Big & Rich is all about loving everybody. Rich stepped away for a while so that he could hate some people (liberals, Germans, Japanese, former Nashville Star contestants). – CM

What are country music fans like?
They’re a lot like normal people, just with better taste. – CM

How do record stores get CDs?
You mean how did record stores USED to get CDs….. – Ben

At this point, the more pressing question is how record stores can get rid of CDs. – CM

How do you dance to “Buy Myself a Chance” by Randy Rogers Band?
– Well, you can start by taking the song title’s advice. – Pierce

What did Brad Paisley have for a baby?
Little Jimmy Dickens. – Juli

I’m going to go way out on a limb here….a small, young person. right? – Ben

A cute, lovable subject for a future song. – Karlie

Tell me about songwriter Hank Cochran.
The legendary songwriter (and one half of the Cochran Brothers, who weren’t actually related) had a cancer scare last year, but is expected to fully recover. At 73 years old, he’s still cranking out material. – Juli

Tell Carrie Underwood to stop doing other peoples songs.
Absolutely not. This is a trend that we should be encouraging at all costs. – Ben

How many albums did Chuck Wicks sell?
Wicks sold a remarkable 593 albums during his stint as a cashier at Walmart.
Addendum: Wicks was not actually a cashier at Walmart. The correct answer is “too many.” – CM

Singing with the beat is country music?
Begs to differ is Willie Nelson? – CM

Don’t tell this to Willie Nelson. – Karlie

What does Nashville think of Texas music?
Nashville thinks Texas is soooo underneath it–geographically and commercially speaking. – Karlie

Nashville is unaware of the existence of Texas, or at least pretends to be in order to avoid a massive inferiority complex. – CM

What does country music sound like?
There are a lot of answers to this question, but make sure not to ask Keith Urban, Lady Antebellum, or Zac Brown. They don’t know any of them. – Ben

Home. – CM

Is Trent Tomlinson still doing music?
Don’t you worry, I’m sure his bandanna and stick of eyeliner are on a hotel nightstand somewhere, ready and waiting for showtime! – Ben

Why are there two different versions of “Picture to Burn?”
Because parroting homophobia limits mass appeal. – Ben

Who is the mad blonde guy in “Shuttin’ Detroit Down?”
Wait, John Rich is blond? – Juli

How to build a retirement community?
I guess you’d want to start by finding a building and filling it with lots of old people. – CM

What kind of injury does Big Kenny have?
A bruise to the ego, after he saw John Rich is actually on the country charts without his help. – Karlie

He had an injury??? that explains so much, I just thought he was a tool (actually he gave away a bunch of money, so good for him there). – Ben

Who has a bigger fan base: Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift?
If we answer this question, The 9513 will implode. – CM

I don’t know… I guess we’ll find out based on next year’s ACM EOY winner. Sigh… – Pierce

How many Willie Nelson albums are there?
Eleventy. – Juli

Why did Alan Jackson write “Country Boy?”
Money. – Ben

Why do fans like listening to Garth Brooks’ music?
We unfortunately know very little about this disease, if you find out any information please tell us so we can better pursue a way to stop it. – Ben

Because it sounds like Jimmie Rodgers compared to the stuff country radio is playing now. – CM

What does “He Thinks His Name Was John” mean?
You’re listening to a drag queen version of Reba McEntire. – Karlie

Is Heartland a one hit wonder band?
Um, no… “Built to Last” hit #58 in 2007. – Pierce

What current country singer has the first name Caroline?
Perhaps you mean Jason Michael Carroll, who has long hair sort of like a girl. – Karlie

Why wasn’t Bucky Covington in the Hannah Montana movie?
If you notice, they usually don’t cast people who look alike in the same movie. It’s a subtle way of making it easier for audiences to keep track of what’s happening with different characters. Focus groups were concerned that Covington might be too easily mistaken for Hannah Montana. – CM

Does Tim McGraw write any of his own songs?
He prefers to follow in the footsteps of George Jones with a career full of poignant, heartbreaking songs he didn’t necessarily write but sells simply with the emotion in his voice. You know, like “Indian Outlaw.” – Karlie

Why is it called lovesick?
Because I left her 17 voicemails tonight and she hasn’t called back and now her phone is turned off and I know that she was out drinking earlier and I bet she was with that freaking guy that I hate and she knows I can’t stand it when she does this to me and so I’m only gonna call one more time and then……I’ve said too much. – Ben

Why did Alan Jackson write “Country Boy?”
Since his legendary status is already pretty well-secured, Jackson is now free to experiment. In recent years, he has dabbled in gospel (Precious Memories), moody adult contemporary (Like Red on a Rose), and astonishingly poor taste (“Country Boy” and “Good Time”). – CM

What does Dierks Bentley mean by get a little bit sideways?
Not enough to give us a good reason to pay attention to the song. – Ben

He’s actually encouraging you to lay down horizontal on the dance floor… try it the next time you go out! – Pierce

Who did John Conlee invite to join the Grand Ole Opry at an army base?
That was Craig Morgan, whose military history made the venue a fitting choice. – CM

What did Billy Ray say?
“Let me get this straight, my family gets at least two generations of huge stardom while possessing virtually no talent, and all I need to give up is my soul? Heck I wasn’t doing much with it anyhow! Long as I get to keep my mullet I’m fine!” – Ben

How to get Taylor Swift’s “White Horse” look?
Mane ‘n’ Tail Shampoo does wonders for a shiny, sleek coat, and braided ribbons in the tail are always a nice touch. – Karlie

Is Tim McGraw an alcoholic?
Not yet, but Curb’s doing their best to make one of him. – CM

When did Hee Haw come out?
In a magical time before Chet Flippo was spending his waking hours convincing us that there was never a magical time in Country Music. – Ben

Five Nashville artists who don’t suck?
– Juli

  1. Mike Parker
    April 30, 2009 at 2:33 pm

    Is Tim McGraw an alcoholic?
    Not unless there’s alcohol in cocaine.

    Why do fans like listening to Garth Brooks’ music?
    Because that’s all they have left after he gave up on his dream of being a ball player.

  2. Erik
    April 30, 2009 at 2:54 pm

    Who has a bigger fan base: Carrie Underwood or Taylor Swift?
    If we answer this question, The 9513 will implode. – CM

    What does “He Thinks His Name Was John” mean?
    You’re listening to a drag queen version of Reba McEntire. – Karlie

    ——

    I just died a little. I literally fell off my chair! You guys are the best.

  3. Hollerin' Ben
    April 30, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    “Is Tim McGraw an alcoholic?”
    Not unless there’s alcohol in cocaine.

    That’s freaking awesome, I’m totally stealing that joke.

  4. Mike K
    April 30, 2009 at 3:19 pm

    “Singing with the beat is country music?
    Begs to differ is Willie Nelson? – CM”

    I didn’t know yoda was so interested in country music?

    Maybe the best mailbag yet, good job guys and gals.

  5. Chris N.
    April 30, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    Nashville acknowledges the existence of Texas, we just encourage the secessionist movement.

  6. J.R. Journey
    April 30, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    Another side-splitting edition. Cool.

  7. Kim
    April 30, 2009 at 5:41 pm

    Thanks for the support Chris N.!

    I’ve been waiting for one of these for a while now. Always hilarious!

  8. Trailer
    April 30, 2009 at 6:15 pm

    Best edition yet. The Reba one is priceless.

  9. stormy
    April 30, 2009 at 7:02 pm

    Five good Nashville artists:
    Kenneth Brian
    Carol Young
    Kym Warner
    Eamon McLoughlin
    Jamey Johnson

  10. Rick
    April 30, 2009 at 7:52 pm

    Stormy, I recognize the members of The Greencards and Jamey, but who in the heck is Kenneth Brian?

    What, no snarky mailbag replies from Jim Malec or Brady or Brody Vercher? What’s going on here! Has there been a crew led mutiny on the 9513? Well shiver me timbers…

  11. Kim
    April 30, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    ^^^lol. that’s what I came back for too! well yee know what they say, the deepest circle of hell….

  12. stormy
    April 30, 2009 at 9:48 pm
  13. josh
    May 1, 2009 at 1:32 pm

    Reba’s drag queen did it for me. :D

  14. retirement communities
    May 1, 2009 at 1:58 pm

    Reba lol. Nice list.

  15. glory2001
    May 1, 2009 at 2:34 pm

    That was a dumb comment by CM, when Big Kenny took time off for Neck surgury and therapy, because he was hit by a drunk driver, in 2001, I believe. I know it was snide remark about John Rich, but Big Kenny’s problem is not funny. drunk driving never is.

  16. CMW
    May 1, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    That was a dumb comment by CM

    Well, what’d you expect?

    but Big Kenny’s problem is not funny. drunk driving never is.

    Although my comment clearly implied that I think drunk driving is a-okay, I need to go on record now as saying that it isn’t. Sorry for the confusion, everybody.

  17. Leeann Ward
    May 1, 2009 at 3:28 pm

    “Although my comment clearly implied that I think drunk driving is a-okay, I need to go on record now as saying that it isn’t. Sorry for the confusion, everybody.”

    Can’t. Stop. Laughing.

  18. Jon
    May 1, 2009 at 3:49 pm

    Boy, Stormy, if you have to count the individual members of the Greencards in order to come up with 5, you’re sure missing a lot.

  19. Stephanie
    May 1, 2009 at 4:07 pm

    Tim McGraw does cocaine?

  20. BUCK
    May 1, 2009 at 9:28 pm

    like this site, but you guys confuse me sometimes. you constantly rip on mainstream country pop acts, yet you continue to review their albums, singles, and spit news about them constantly. if you don’t like them, draw the line somewhere.

  21. Sue
    May 1, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    Bucky Covington confused for Hannah Montana?? Just call me “dazed and confused”!

  22. debra
    May 2, 2009 at 11:24 am

    If we answer this question, The 9513 will implode. – CM

    I don’t know… I guess we’ll find out based on next year’s ACM EOY winner. Sigh… – Pierce

    pierce i think well find out much sooner… this years cmt awards…taylor fans are mad because carrie has been winning pretty much everything, and carrie fans are pumped and they are not gonna let taylor win over carrie again(cmt last year)

  23. Noeller
    May 27, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    Hey now – nobody said Tim McGraw likes cocaine…we’re just sayin’ he likes the SMELL of it…

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