Mailbag: The Blake Shelton Guest Edition

Staff | November 23rd, 2010

Why is country music the best?
Country music is more diverse than any other genre. It embraces a lot of styles and sounds and Country artists are influenced by all those different styles. And…Country music fans have the biggest boobs. – Blake Shelton

In what city is there a street named George Jones Place?
I don’t know, but I really hope there’s a John Deere dealership on it. – Sam

So why does Johnny Cash wear black?
To prove he didn’t have dandruff. – Blake Shelton

Because Johnny’s chicken suit was just too expensive to have dry cleaned regularly. – Ken

Why are people on oil rigs called roughnecks?
Hold on a minute and let me drive 120 miles to the nearest rig and ask. – Blake Shelton

Man, where’s Michael Sarver now that we actually need him? – Sam

What does “backside of a mule” mean?
Please go away. – Blake Shelton

Darius Rucker needs better songwriters. – Karlie

What type of jeans does Alan Jackson wear?
Long ones. – CM

“Little Bitty” jeans. – Ken

Who should the Country Music Hall of Fame elect next?
For their influence on today’s country music, Aerosmith. – Sam

What does “roll a big fat one” mean?
It means (not suited for radio). – Pierce

Why did George Strait agree to Pure Country 2: The Gift?
Top 10 Reasons George Strait Agreed to Do Pure Country 2: The Gift

10. Needed an excuse to hang out with Katrina Elam.
9. Saw one of Toby Keith’s acting attempts, figured what the hell.
8. Swayed by promise of Christmas cookies with sprinkly things on top at catering table.
7. Was drinking with Martina McBride when manager relayed offer.
6. Could really use the money for new jean press and shirt starch.
5. Was sure nobody would see it anyway.
4. Original script contained numerous puns involving his last name.
3. Still processing events of 9/11.
2. Testing the waters for Pure Country 3: Electric Boogaloo.
1. Thought he’d get to wear the clip-on ponytail again. – CM

Why do people have lots of passion for country music?
It is music that you can relate to and overtime have a relationship with the artist, even if you don’t know them because country artists are so accessible. – Blake Shelton

Why does Jason Aldean’s drummer always have his mouth open?
Waiting to yell “Hey, you’re wearing a ladies’ shirt!” when Jason turns to face him. – CM

He can’t believe people actually come out to these concerts. – Karlie

How much does Miranda Lambert weigh?
Approximately 1.25 Carrie Underwoods – Sam

How to get a date with Taylor Swift?
Be the proud owner of a Grammy, an Oscar or a Nickelodeon Teen Choice Award. – Sam

Why is there a groan in “Gunpowder and Lead?”
She missed his heart on her first shot and had to take a second. – Ken

Why did Don Williams take off four years?
If you plan on sticking around Till the Rivers All Run Dry, you sort of have to pace yourself. Besides, it was only three months in Tulsa time. – CM

Why did Alan Jackson decide to sing?
Why did DaVinci decide to paint? Why did Shakespeare decide to write? Why did Colt Ford decide to rap? Some things are better off enjoyed without an explanation. – Sam

What is “Only Prettier” about?
Miranda Lambert, Juli Thanki, Janet Goodman, Karlie Justus… and CM Wilcox. – Ken

Why does Zac Brown Band wear a hat?
His head ends abruptly one inch above his eyebrows. The beanie is stuffed with crumpled-up newspapers to give it a rounder shape. – CM

He wanted something on his mind. – Ken

By wearing one collective hat, it’s easier to keep track of band members by forcing all of their heads into a giant beanie. No more leaving town after a show minus the fiddle player, thanks to one groupie or another. – Karlie

Why do people like bluegrass music?
Beats the hell out of me. – Blake Shelton

They’re under the mistaken impression that George Clooney invented it. But seriously, someone get Blake some Jimmy Martin. – CM

Who are Brooks & Dunn and why did they wait 20 years to split?
I’m not sure Garth and Holly were ever actually an item. – Ken

What is Kix Brooks doing now?
Actually singing. – Pierce

Why can’t I be rich and good looking?
Being rich will get you way more action than being good lookin’ so why care? – Blake Shelton

What does “Hemingway’s Whiskey” mean?
It means Kenny Chesney is trying to appear smarter than he really is, leaving the core of his fan-base hopelessly confused. – Pierce

Why do Kenny Chesney’s songs make me cry?
“She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” made a lot of people cry. – Sam

What kind of jeans does Luke Bryan wear?
Luke Bryan doesn’t wear jeans, because jeans in rain are not good things. – Karlie

My wife said it was a brand I’ve never heard of called “Yummy.” – Ken

Why did Blake Shelton cover a Joe Nichols song?
Too busy answering mailbag questions to find a song that hadn’t already been recorded. – CM

  1. Ben Foster
    November 23, 2010 at 8:36 am

    Best item: Miranda Lambert weighs 1.25 Carrie Underwoods.

  2. Leah
    November 23, 2010 at 9:11 am

    Miranda Lambert weighs 1.25 Carrie Underwoods is tacky. Miranda looks like a woman w/ curves and Carrie looks like a 12 yr old-(no shape, that is why her shirts are so tiny).

  3. Pat
    November 23, 2010 at 9:22 am

    Miranda Lambert is BEAUTIFUL!You may be as well Sam, show us a photo?!

  4. Thomas
    November 23, 2010 at 9:41 am

    …if one carrie underwood is pretty, then 1.25 carrie underwoods sounds even prettier.

  5. Larry
    November 23, 2010 at 10:06 am

    Sure…Aerosmith gets the nod but not one word about other deserving contributors to today’s country sound like ABBA or Hall and Oates. Nice.

    Kenny Chesney may not think so but this Country Mailbag is great and was worth the wait!

  6. Thomas
    November 23, 2010 at 10:15 am

    …i don’t see your problem folks, naming an album after an old fishin’ buddy and his favourite tipple is actually sooo country.

  7. bll
    November 23, 2010 at 10:18 am

    The Brooks and Dunn one made me laugh out loud- which is getting me odd looks from my assistant.

  8. Lewis
    November 23, 2010 at 10:29 am

    The George Strait movie Pure Country 2: The Gift Top 10 Reasons was a huge laugh with me. Shame that they just didn’t put on DVD to start with if it’s not going to play it in any theater in Texas especially since George hails from San Antonio.

  9. Rick
    November 23, 2010 at 11:41 am

    Those comments can’t possibly be from Blake Shelton! Where’s all the foul language? Also, whomever wrote those comments sounds like they were sober! Fraud! (lol)

  10. Ken Morton, Jr.
    November 23, 2010 at 11:57 am

    Rick, they really are from Blake Shelton. He’s an honorary member of The 9513 writing team this week. Forget his Opry induction and his big CMA awards- inclusion on The 9513 mailbag is clear indication that he’s risen to the top.

  11. Michael A.
    November 23, 2010 at 1:16 pm

    Blake Shelton? Nice coup. :)

    The Pure Country 2 list and Brooks & Dunn bit were my favorites.

  12. Janie
    November 23, 2010 at 1:26 pm

    First I would like to say Blake & Miranda are my favorite country artist, but Blake makes me so mad the way he is always talking about other women. Why isn’t he satisfied with the beautiful person he is engaged to? If I was her I would give him a taste of his own medicine.

  13. Jo
    November 23, 2010 at 2:57 pm

    Yes,his being funny is getting to not be so funny anymore.Believe me she is one of us women, she does’nt like it. She will get tired of pretending to over look it one day. Hey, he has it going for him now!!Fans, please don’t let it cause you to have less respect for Miranda. She is a wonderful gal and is out there working to bring us her music.

  14. Noeller
    November 23, 2010 at 4:41 pm

    frickin’ Americans…….it’s a TOQUE, not a “beanie” (doesn’t a beanie have a propeller on top???)

    Good on Zac for embracing his inner Canadian — we wear those things 12 months of the year, too :)

  15. Steve Harvey
    November 23, 2010 at 4:42 pm

    So because Blake Shelton is in love with and engaged to someone, he should pretend other women are no longer attractive?

  16. Jeremy Dylan
    November 23, 2010 at 8:42 pm

    In other country music movie news:

    ZACH GALIFIANAKIS TO PLAY LEAD IN THE ZAC BROWN STORY

  17. bob
    November 24, 2010 at 11:14 pm

    Blind Blake Jefferson gets my vote on contribution
    to country roots.

  18. Chris N.
    November 25, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    I hereby demand a moratorium on “Electric Boogaloo” jokes.

  19. Charles Murphy
    November 25, 2010 at 1:07 pm

    Why does Jason Aldean’s drummer always have his mouth open?

    —Because he can’t believe people are actually buying that crap.

    —Waiting for a break of silence..then he can tell you who he playing for next and that he then has to go facebook/myspace/tweet it..and tell every other musician in the world what he is doing.

  20. Vicki
    November 27, 2010 at 1:29 pm

    Listen to the words of “Only Prettier” and you’d think Miranda was talking about Carrie. (You’ll keep getting skinnier..”

  21. pat
    November 28, 2010 at 11:02 am

    Get on twitter! You may see he also likes those West Oklahoma Boob Cakes!!!!

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