June Mailbag: Is Jamey Johnson Still Alive?

Staff | June 29th, 2009

Is Jamey Johnson still alive?
Didn’t he die on the cross for our sins? Oh right, that was Jesus. I get them confused sometimes. — CMW

Jamey Johnson lives forever in the children’s eyes. — Jim

More so than his brand of country music. — Karlie

What does the AP style guide say about alright?
It’s algood. — Andrew Lacy

Is Miranda Lambert and Blake Shelton still together?
Yes, it is not broken. — Jim

How old do you have to be to be on Can You Duet?
At least as old as Naomi Judd’s current pair of false eyelashes — Kelly

What is country music known for?
According to CMT, it’s the B-52’s, Bryan Adams and Def Leppard. — Ken

For being so rock — Kelly

Its frequent appearances after “except” in the sentence “I like all kinds of music…” — CMW

Where do county music listeners live?
In a minivan down by the river. — Andrew Lacy

An idyllic dream world. — Jim

What do country music listener’s expect from a song?
Life affirming stories about small town folks overcoming their mama’s alcoholism by meeting a soldier at church who gives kindly advice by telling a story about lost love at the county fair while sitting on the tailgate of his old pickup and wearing boots and a Johnny Cash t-shirt. (That’s 12/18 on the Farce the Music checklist for those keeping score.) — Andrew Lacy

Unrelenting optimism with a dash of twang. — CMW

…But not too much twang. — Jim

What is the song that Kristian Bush sings alone?
“The Unemployment Line Blues.” — Kelly

Does Taylor Swift sound off pitch?
Did Grizzly Adams have a beard? — Andrew Lacy

Do the tears of Chuck Norris cure cancer? — Jim

Why did Tim McGraw not join the Grand Ole Opry?
Seeing as how Tim is a staunch traditionalist, the recent inductions of Carrie Underwood and Craig Morgan have made him angr–wow, I cant get that out with a straight face. – Kelly

Despite the recent contemporary inductions, the Opry is still a traditional institution and they’re just not quite ready to induct a eunch, considering Faith Hill has half his manhood and Mike Curb the other half. — Brady

Which country star sings sideways?
Lefty Frizzell and Righty McGee. — CMW

How much do country singers pay for songs?
Judging by most of what’s played on radio today, only their souls. — Kelly

Judging by most of what’s played on radio today, way too much. — Jim

What is Todd Snider really like?
I hear that the whole lovable, rambling, peace-loving hippie thing is all a put-on and he’s actually a conniving investment banker from Brooklyn. — CMW

Commie! — Jim

How to feel about sex and power in music videos?
If I tell you how to feel, that will raise a whole other set of sex and power issues. — CMW

I feel good about sex in music videos. Power could also be good, depending on how it is wielded. — Jim

Did George Strait ever serve time in jail?
I think so. He covers “Folsom Prison Blues” in concert and doesn’t seem like a guy who would lie to his fans. — CMW

What is “Out Last Night” about?
Three minutes too long. — Ken

It’s an exploration of the existential quandary presented by the juxtaposition of the innate desire to maximize personal pleasure and moral responsibility. — Jim

Who sings backup on “Loretta Lynn’s Lincoln” with Josh Turner?
Conway Twitty’s El Camino – Andrew Lacy

Who sings “Don’t Make Me Take My Earrings Out?”
Perez Hilton. — Andrew Lacy

Keith Anderson. — Jim

What is the meaning of “Alright” by Darius Rucker?
It’s a celebration of mediocrity, both thematically and musically. — Karlie

Who is Bruce Robison Canadian Healthcare?
Wayne Gretzky. – Jim

  1. Stormy
    June 29, 2009 at 9:52 am

    Has anyone done conclusive tests to prove that Jamey Johnson ISN’T a zombie?

  2. Matt B.
    June 29, 2009 at 9:56 am

    If Jamey isn’t his beard might be.

  3. Jessica
    June 29, 2009 at 11:34 am

    I’ve never laughed so hard at a mailbag as I have this week….

    We just saw Jamey a week ago performing to 15, 000 folks in Louisville @ 4th Street Live…2nd largest attended event held there in history and it beat out some of the KY State Fair records as well, even though it has no ties to the fair. Saw him this past Friday play in Covington. Be on the lookout for him to be on tour w/Randy Houser this fall….

  4. Annie
    June 29, 2009 at 12:17 pm

    Thanks for the Monday morning giggles! I love these posts!

  5. Michael
    June 29, 2009 at 1:27 pm

    Excellent mailbag this month. Loved the bits about celebrating the musical mediocrity of “Alright”, CMT, living in a minivan down by the river and country singers paying too much for songs. :) Yay! for Monday morning laughs.

  6. Collin
    June 29, 2009 at 11:17 pm

    I didn’t laugh very much at this month’s mailbag. Maybe my laugh generator needs a recalibration.

  7. Ashley
    June 30, 2009 at 1:14 am

    I would like a weekly mailbag. These always give me the giggles, it would be a perfect way to begin the week…

  8. Andrew Lacy
    June 30, 2009 at 1:16 am

    So thanks to the mailbag, we now have tags for “Grizzly Adams’ beard,” “Chuck Norris’ tears” and “Naomi Judd’s false eyelashes” in addition to “Bucky Covington’s mustache.” Awesome.

  9. Ben Milam
    June 30, 2009 at 4:03 pm

    Unfortunately, Chuck Norris has never cried. Todd Snider has though, when he couldn’t dump all of his CitiBank stock in a timely fashion and when he found out that Doc Ellis was not actually a doctor.

  10. Rose
    July 4, 2009 at 2:51 pm

    Hey, Jamey saves souls, too: the soul of country music. (For my money, I like to picture Jesus as singing lead vocals for Lynyrd Skynyrd, though.)

    I was also one of the 15,000 people at the Louisville show. I came all the way from California, and let me tell you, it was worth it!

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