January Mailbag: What Is Lady Antebellum’s Name?

Staff | January 27th, 2009

Tim McGraw, what would Chris do?
I’m not Tim McGraw, but I’ll take a crack at it. Chris Neal would write a pithy album review. Chris Lindsey would check The 9513 for mentions of his name and get into heated exchanges with Hollerin’ Ben. Chris Cagle would just keep on being boring. – CM

What is the point of “Love Story” by Taylor Swift?
To flaunt Swift’s mastery of classic literature and give Justin Gaston an excuse to wear a poofy shirt. – CM

Why can’t I get “All Summer Long” on iTunes?
Kid Rock thinks a private retailer setting prices is socialism. He also thinks “All Summer Long” is Country Music. So I guess the final answer is that you can’t get “All Summer Long” on iTunes because Kid Rock doesn’t really know the meaning of a lot of words. – Ben

How do I go on a date with Taylor Swift?
Just promise her you’ll do her wrong in some horrific, dramatic way so she’ll be able to make millions off the relationship. — Karlie

How do I just stop Richie McDonald?
Rest assured that The 9513 staffers are working on that problem around the clock. – CM

What is the least gay Taylor Swift song for a guy to sing?
Not sure, but when you find it, just make sure you can perform while wearing the least gay ascot you can get your hands on. – Ben

There aren’t levels of “gay,” just as there aren’t any Taylor Swift songs that guys should sing…ever. – Kelly

Any one that’s not about falling in love with/breaking up with a boy. Actually, never mind. – Jim

How do I found out who has been inducted into the Country Music Hall of Fame?
By extispicy, an ancient Mesopotamian process of divination which involves reading the entrails of a ritual sacrifice. Or you could just look on the Hall of Fame website. – Juli

What is Lady Antebellum’s name?
Lady Antebellum. Is this a trick question? – CM

Who is Country Music’s singer of the decade?
I’m gonna have to go with Justin Timberlake. – Jim

What is the best song about soldiers?
“Crank That” by Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em – Karlie

What does Shinola mean?
It means that Dolly Parton’s attempt at a topical reference came about 60 years late. – CM

When does Jessica Andrews’ everything come out?
I would hope only in the privacy of her home or the company of her husband. – CM

Only after she has had enough Shinola. – Kelly

Who is the guy singer in “Lookin’ For A Good Time?”
Dave Haywood. No, no, just kidding. It’s Charles Kelley, one of Lady Antebellum’s two lead singers (the other is Hillary Scott). – CM

What happened to Eric Church?
He was born, grew up, went to Nashville, wrote songs like “Lightning”, “Two Pink Lines”, and “My Kind of Love” that trivialize life and pretend to significance while being shallow and annoying, billed himself as a new Kristofferson, and is soon to be releasing a new record in which he intends to insult our collective intelligence while posturing like a badass (who is also sensitive) on the cred he gained by growing a beard. – Ben

What is “Lightning” by Eric Church about?
It’s about how the only inmates worth humanizing are the ones who killed someone in self-defense while trying to get food for his hungry baby (and therefore would not be eligible for the death penalty), is sorry for what he’s done, and has fully accepted his execution because he likes how cool it is to compare the electricity of the chair to lightning, which is in the sky, which reminds him of heaven (also in the sky). – Ben

How do I cut my hair like Kellie Pickler?
Why would you cut your hair to be like Kellie? Don’t you know you’re beautiful, just the way you are? – Karlie

She has hair? I guess I need to look a little higher up next time. – Kelly

When did Carrie Underwood write so small?
When she had tiny hands. – Ben

When does Dierks Bentley’s Feel That Fire CD come out?
I think the term is actually VD. After a dose of penicillin, that fiery feeling should be on its way out. – Juli

Who was the first to sing “Window Up Above?”
George Jones, who also wrote it. – Ben

Why isn’t Conway Twitty in the Grand Ole Opry?
The Opry has to have standards. Not everyone can have the vocal ability, song catalog and sex appeal of more deserving members like Craig Morgan. – Karlie

How do I play “I Will” by Jimmy Wayne?
Sit alone in your room, light some candles, spend a little time thinking sensitive thoughts, look up tabs on the internet, play the song. – Ben

How old are Joey & Rory?
Old enough to be Taylor Swift’s parents. – Karlie

Joey + Rory are so old that they recorded their first demo on wax cylinder. – Jim

What is there to do in Wichita for teens?
Contemplate how much it sucks to be a teen stuck in Wichita. – Jim

What kind of jeans does Kenny Chesney wear?
Those are not really jeans, but a quart of Sherwin-Williams Jamaica Bay applied with a roller. Should that color be discontinued, I imagine Chesney will return to his old standard Gap Kids. – Juli

Faith Hill chewing out fan who grabbed Tim McGraw.
I’m still ticked about that, I was just trying to see if Tim and Kenny wore the same jeans, OK FAITH?!?!?!?! – Kelly

  1. Nicolas
    January 27, 2009 at 2:55 pm

    This was funny! XD lol

    I love all the smart-ass response =D

  2. Chris N.
    January 27, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    I would also have a martini, don’t forget that.

  3. Paula_W
    January 27, 2009 at 3:10 pm

    I was trying to pick out my favorite, but I cant. They are all good.

    I think I have to go with a couple of Karlie’s answers as the best though.

    How do I cut my hair like Kellie Pickler?
    Why would you cut your hair to be like Kellie? Don’t you know you’re beautiful, just the way you are?

    How old are Joey & Rory?
    Old enough to be Taylor Swift’s parents.

  4. plain_jo
    January 27, 2009 at 3:45 pm

    my thoughts exactly on kenny’s jeans

  5. ThatNashvilleSound
    January 27, 2009 at 4:04 pm

    Great great list guys.

    My favorite was Kellie Pickler’s hair and er… hair…

  6. Kim
    January 27, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    Love this stuff! We need more mailbag blogs! Too funny.

  7. Vicki
    January 27, 2009 at 4:32 pm

    LOL Kenny’s pants. I agree…does he ever change them? Wash them? Are they stuck to his legs?

  8. Dan Milliken
    January 27, 2009 at 4:33 pm

    This is just wonderful.

  9. Dan Milliken
    January 27, 2009 at 4:37 pm

    But out of curiosity, why the hate for “Two Pink Lines,” Ben? I agree on the other two/most of Church’s stuff so far, but I thought that one was pretty likable and telling.

  10. Chris N.
    January 27, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    “Two Pink Lines” lost me at the title and never got me back.

  11. Difr'nt Kim
    January 27, 2009 at 5:33 pm

    Where did Kid Rock say “all summer long” was country? HE didn’t. seems to be country radio said it was country and he ran with it.

  12. Difr'nt Kim
    January 27, 2009 at 5:59 pm

    I also can’t believe y’all don’t have a post/commentary about The Hag calling carrie underwood “carrie underwear” in an interview with the Wyoming Tribune Eagle yet. That made my day! And this helped too. funny as always.

  13. Brody Vercher
    January 27, 2009 at 6:03 pm

    @Difr’nt Kim – Check today’s news roundup regarding the Merle Haggard comment.

  14. Difr'nt Kim
    January 27, 2009 at 6:09 pm

    Yeah I saw that. I meant like a whole post not a line in a collective post. Thought people here would be calling the pope to have him declared a saint for his divine Freudian slip.

  15. Karlie
    January 27, 2009 at 6:45 pm

    Juli’s take on Kenny’s jeans was brilliant.

  16. CMW
    January 27, 2009 at 6:59 pm

    I think my favorites are Juli’s extispicy, Ben’s succinct summary of “Lightning” and Karlie on Kellie Pickler and Joey + Rory.

    Mailbags are too much fun.

  17. Billy
    January 27, 2009 at 9:06 pm


    Joey + Rory are old enough to be Taylor Swift’s parents.

  18. Nicolas
    January 27, 2009 at 9:45 pm

    Lots of people in country music are old enough to be Talyor’s parents! You just have to be about 36 or older

  19. Steve Harvey
    January 28, 2009 at 5:17 am

    Keith Urban is old enough to be one of Taylor Swift’s parents

  20. SamB
    January 28, 2009 at 8:04 am

    “What is the least gay Taylor Swift song for a guy to sing?”

    To answer the complete opposite of this question, Teardrops On My Guitar actually works *really* well sung from a gay guy’s perspective. Not that Taylor Swift intended that at all, I’m sure!

  21. Marc
    January 28, 2009 at 8:07 am

    Conway Twitty v Craig Snoregan comment for the win.

  22. Chris D.
    January 28, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    Karlie’s Kellie Pickler comment is probably my favorite. xD

  23. Nona
    February 8, 2009 at 1:12 am

    Lady Antebellum – nice music, more pop than true country. The name is not so nice – the dictionary says it refers to the period before the civil war = slavery, tyranny… maybe they should change the name to Lady A?

  24. NONA#2
    March 31, 2010 at 9:56 pm

    Do I know you NONA?

  25. ERic
    September 20, 2010 at 11:05 pm

    I’ve sung Teardrops on my Guitar a few times, except instead of Drew I changed it so its about a girl named Kate and the singer wants to be with her though she likes another guy. If a guy sings it the way it is it would be gay lol.

  26. ERic
    September 20, 2010 at 11:07 pm

    Nona I think you are ignorant and brainwashed. There is mnore to the South than slavery. In general country music tends to evoke the good ol days when life was easier and better. I think Lady Antebellum is a great name, to images of weeping willows, front porches and southern belles in lovely dresses and gentlemen on horseback. If you are so obsessed about slavery I’m sorry, and I’m sorry if the band name doesn’t cater to you. Enough people like it so….

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