January Mailbag: What Does Alan Jackson Like On His Eggs?

Staff | February 1st, 2010

What does Alan Jackson like on his eggs?
Cheese and corn. — Stephen

He still likes bologna. — Ken

A load of salsa. — Jim

Hens. — CMW

What message is Tim McGraw saying in Southern Voice?
The message is that while most people think the South is full of uneducated rednecks and hillbillies, there are actually a number of noteworthy individuals who hail from southern states. — Jim

What country artist sings a song that has the words “i am not cry?”
It would have to be a non-native speaker, so I’ll go with Bucky Covington. — CMW

What does American Honey mean?
American Honey can be used a as a substitute for Strawberry Wine when half baking loss-of-innocence ballads. — Jim

How is the girl in the 8 second ride music video?
Unsatisfied. — Blake

What is the worst country song?
Whatever it is, odds are Fast Ryde wants to release it as a single. — Sam

That depends: What song happens to be playing on your local country radio station at the moment? — Jim

Is the Jason Aldean fan club worth it?
Sure. For $30, it comes with a cowboy hat, a batch of lame rock songs and absolutely no credibility. — Sam

It depends. Are you a party-all-nighter from South Carolina or a honey drippin’ honey from a holler in Kentucky? — CMW

What is the main idea of the song “Kiss My Country Ass?”
It’s a farmer’s how-to guide to mule husbandry. — Stephen

Who sings ill walk?
Colt Ford and Cowboy Troy duet on this remix of the classic country hit “I Can’t Dance” by the rootsy group Genesis. — Brady

@Brady: I hope the remix features the Smokin’ Armadillos. — Jim

What is the term for Willie Nelson’s singing style?
I believe the textbook term is “awesome.” — Stephen

Is the song “Big Green Tractor” really about a big green tractor?
Absolutely. No hidden meanings here — Sigmund Freud

Who created country music?
God. And on the 7th day, He rested, and the Devil created Rascal Flatts. — Sam

Al Gore. — Ken

John Rich. — CMW

The Irish. — Jim

What collage did Lady Antebellum go to?
I think you mean pastiche. — Stephen

University of Decoupage – Ken

Reasons why Carrie Underwood is inspiration?
Just because you grew up in small-town Oklahoma, it doesn’t mean you can’t one day be almost as good as Taylor Swift. — CMW

What happened to Caitlin & Will?
The Will & Grace spin-off was canceled after one episode. — Stephen

Where is Johnny Rodriguez?
He’s here enjoying fajitas with us, but we do still remember the Alamo. — CMW

Last we heard he was visiting a proctologist in Mexico to see about getting a thumb removed. — Brody

What lipstick does Julianne Hough wear?
It’s a special model called “Chuck Wicks Heartache” — Ken

What beer goes with what season?
Hunting Season: Moose Drool from Big Sky Brewing
Winter Season: Yellow Snow Ale from Rogue Ales
Bikini Season: Leinenkugel’s Big Butt
Christmas Season: Ridgeway’s Santa’s Butt
Engagement Season: Wasatch Polygamy Porter

Why lie Lee Greenwood?
Lee Greenwood would never lie. God does favor America over all other countries. — CM Wilcox

What is the best Johnny Cash song of all time?
Yes. — Stephen Deusner

What beer goes with what season?
Yes. — Stephen Deusner

What happened after Billy Ray’s big hit “Achy Breaky Heart?”
He got a lot of Oscar buzz for his performance as Hot Rod Johnson in the Bill Engvall film Bait Shop. — CMW

Who does Craig Wiseman want to blog about Lady Antebellum?
Probably not me. — Jim Malec

How old is Easton Corbin?
His face is about 14 and his voice is about 40. Add and divide by two to get 27. — CM Wilcox

  1. Josh
    February 1, 2010 at 8:24 am

    “What country artist sings a song that has the words “i am not cry?”
    It would have to be a non-native speaker, so I’ll go with Bucky Covington. — CMW”

    PRICELESS…

  2. Leeann Ward
    February 1, 2010 at 8:27 am

    CMW is on fire!

  3. Emgee
    February 1, 2010 at 8:47 am

    What do you get when you throw together a group of closed-minded individuals bitter about the changing face of country music?

    The 9513 -Emgee

  4. Emgee
    February 1, 2010 at 9:01 am

    How many 9513 readers realize that the “letters” in this “mailbag” are not real, but just a created attempt for 9513 readers to TRY to be funny?

    About the same as the number of of 9513 writers who realize that they are NOT funny. -Emgee

  5. Brady Vercher
    February 1, 2010 at 9:18 am

    Actually, the questions come from queries people type in search engines to find The 9513, so in fact, none of them are made up. Better luck next time.

  6. J.R. Journey
    February 1, 2010 at 10:13 am

    I’ve never read any hate on one of these things. And you know, I never realized until I started spending so much time online in the past year or so that so many people in the world had zero sense of humor. I feel sorry for those people. And I blame them being here on google alerts. How many bets that the words ‘bucky covington’ are what tipped them off?

    Moving on, this was a great edition as usual. I look forward to these every month. I especially enjoyed the Underwood, Rodriguez, and Cyrus responses.

  7. Rick
    February 1, 2010 at 11:34 am

    This is a top notch snarkfest this go round! The Alan Jackson, American Honey, and Jason Aldean comments are great stuff. On the other hand brownie points are being deducted for lack of references to “AirHead Country Radio” and “Obamavoter”! (lol)

  8. Ben Milam
    February 1, 2010 at 12:01 pm

    i think you’re funny emgee. but what the hell do i know? i’m bitter and close minded. oh well, i’d rather be happy than auto tuned.

  9. CMW
    February 1, 2010 at 12:07 pm

    Not bad, but I think these mailbags would be immensely improved by following every punchline with “That’s not funny – Emgee.”

  10. Emgee
    February 1, 2010 at 12:28 pm

    “Not bad, but I think these mailbags would be immensely improved by following every punchline with “That’s not funny – Emgee.””

    I think this website could be improved by actual diverse tastes instead of having Jim Malec telling you what to write.
    “Now, that there’s funny.”
    Not to mention true…

  11. Emgee
    February 1, 2010 at 12:35 pm

    “I started spending so much time online in the past year or so that so many people in the world had zero sense of humor.”

    Oh, I have a great sense of humor. But having a great sense of humor doesn’t me require to laugh at things that just plain aren’t funny.

  12. nm
    February 1, 2010 at 1:10 pm

    Emgee, dear, isn’t someone else being wrong somewhere else on the internet? You might want to go correct them

  13. Leeann Ward
    February 1, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    Why do you single Jim out as the dictator? He’s not even the one who owns the site.:)

  14. Steve M.
    February 1, 2010 at 2:08 pm

    Quick, Emgee, there are kids on your lawn. Go yell at them.

  15. Cardsgal
    February 1, 2010 at 2:19 pm

    @Steve — Sure, Emgee may be a bit uptight, but don’t joke about neighbors’ kids on the lawn. I run out and grab the hose when I see the varmits in my yard.

  16. merlefan49
    February 1, 2010 at 2:36 pm

    What do you get when you throw together a group of closed-minded individuals bitter about the changing face of country music?

    The 9513 -Emgee

    Country music is still the same and is just as strong as ever. What is changing is mainstream pop country.

  17. Noeller
    February 1, 2010 at 3:44 pm

    CMW definitely hit a few home runs here – John Rich creating country music and the obligatory Carrie vs. Taylor comment was solid!

  18. Wade
    February 5, 2010 at 5:28 pm

    Alot of those were hilarious!! This was my favorite
    “Who created country music?
    God. And on the 7th day, He rested, and the Devil created Rascal Flatts. — Sam”

  19. Ben Foster
    May 16, 2010 at 2:50 pm

    I love this feature. The Rascall Flatts one was my favorite as well. I don’t really like their rock-heavy style, and I do enjoy hearing the critics bash them. (But there are a few Rascal Flatts songs that I like)

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