February 2010 Mailbag: Why Does Nashville Star Start Again? What Does George Strait Make?

Staff | March 1st, 2010

Why does Nashville Star start again?
Because it has slightly better ratings than an Oxy Clean infomercial. — Jim

What does “we’re having an Indian Summer” mean?
It means you’ve just been extradited from a place you’ve been living for hundreds of years. — Pierce

What is the meaning of “Wild at Heart” by Gloriana?
You don’t even have to pretend to be country to get played on country radio anymore. — CMW

Rascall Flatts, Why?
I have been screaming this question into the abyss for years now, but I get no answer–just the dull, dumb stare of the pitch-black yaw of the eternal nothingness grimly implying that pain and suffering have no reason, no reward, no end. — Stephen

When is Lee Brice’s new album going to come out?
Lee Brice is on Curb Records, so probably never. — Sam

Depends on how much Mike Curb hates him. — Jim

Why do people hate Tim McGraw?
Because he put pop in their country. — Karlie

I can’t speak to anyone else’s reasons, but for me personally, hearing a McGraw song is always sort of bittersweet because it reminds me of happier times spent with Taylor Swift. — CMW

Why was John Rich fired from Lonestar?
The better question is: How did John Rich keep his gig with Lonestar for as long as he did? — CMW

What poetic devices are used in the song “White Horse” by Taylor Swift?
A vice, a chisel, a handsaw and a rubber mallet. — Stephen

What is a song bout guys chasing girls and never getting them?
Your theme song. Zing! — Jim

What is the criteria for nice album?
The album cover must feature a pretty/handsome singer with stylish clothes, a nice smile and perfect hair. The credits must include the names of the songwriters, producers and musicians who appear on every other country album. The acknowledgments must give thanks to God, family, fans and America. The contents of the actual album are negligible. — Sam

Why is George Strait not in the Grand Old Opry?
He won’t be a part of any organization that doesn’t include a Strait pun in its title. — CMW

What does George Strait make?
George Strait puts his pants on just like the rest of us–one leg at a time. Except, when his pants are on, he makes gold records. — Karlie

Stick with him and he’ll have y’all wearing gold-plated diapers! — CMW

What is Lady Antebellum’s real name?
Bobbi with an “i.” — Karlie

What is a good sad song about dads?
“I Love You This Much” by Jimmy Wayne — Jim

Alan Jackson, why don’t we just dance?
I don’t even know your name. – Alan Jackson — CMW

Why does every Jamie O’Neal’s song mention an USA place if she’s Australian? – Felipe
Because “There is no Tangambalanga” is a terrible name for a song. — Sam

While “There Is No Arizona” is kind of obvious, I”m extremely impressed with your perceptiveness on “When I Think About Angels” (Angel City, FL), “Somebody’s Hero” (Hero, MS), and “Trying To Find Atlantis” (Atlantis, MD). — Ken

Who sings “full up to heaven on reals of angels?”
Alan Jackson, in the Marblemouth Remix of “Sissy’s Song.” — CMW

What kind of guitar does Jimmy Wayne play?
If it’s anything like his “walk” “across” America, it’s a guitar that plays itself. — Pierce

How old is Easton Corbin?
However old you think he is, he’s a little more older than that. — Karlie

How to play “Three Little Birds” on guirter.
Since you’re taking the year off, Kenny, you’ll have plenty of time to learn. And to spell “guitar” correctly. — Sam

I assume you mean “garter.” And there’s only one chord so it’s not very difficult–just pull and strum. — Ken

How often should I go to concerts?
It depends. Do you talk through the whole show and/or think it’s hilarious to keep yelling for “Freebird”? — CMW

What? I can’t hear you. CONCERTS, YOU SAY? What? CONCERTS? What? I go all the time! — Ken

How does Miley Cyrus use her voice in “The Climb?”
To expunge every last bit of feeling from a song that had virtually none to begin with. — CMW

What is a guy who prefers female singers?
Anyone who ever heard Jake Owen’s “Eight Second Ride.” — Stephen

How tall is Jason Michael Carroll?
Little-known fact: he’s a pygmy. — CMW

Actually, CMW, you’re confusing Jason Michael Carroll with Justin Moore. — Jim

What does “She Thinks His Name Was John” mean?
It’s the tale of a kind-hearted, but dim-witted hooker. — Stephen

Who is the guy who sings in “Need You Now?”
Mic on: Charles Kelley. Mic off: Dave Haywood. — CMW

Charles Kelley, Kristian Bush, Rory Lee Feek, and any other guy upstaged by a more charismatic woman. — Stephen

Why does Willie Nelson’s guitar have a hole?
That’s where the sound comes out. And where he stashes his…uh…stash. — Stephen

  1. Emgee
    March 1, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    *Yawn*

  2. Chris N.
    March 1, 2010 at 2:22 pm

    Fun fact: Willie’s guitar has a hole in it because it’s a classical guitar that wasn’t meant to be played with a pick (and thus has no pickguard).

  3. Noeller
    March 1, 2010 at 2:49 pm

    “What does George Strait make?
    George Strait puts his pants on just like the rest of us–one leg at a time. Except, when his pants are on, he makes gold records. — Karlie”

    loving the SNL reference – I think I LOL’d all over the keyboard…

  4. Kim
    March 1, 2010 at 3:39 pm

    The Easton Corbin one was great!

  5. Rick
    March 1, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    A few of these responses are incorrect and need clarification:

    Why does Willie Nelson’s guitar have a hole?
    Correct answer: Willie unwisely lent it to the director of “American Pie 6, Guitar Camp”.

    What is a guy who prefers female singers?
    Correct answers: Heterosexual, Wise, Discerning, Tasteful, you get the drift…

    Why is George Strait not in the Grand Old Opry?
    Correct answer: Surveys showed George’s performances caused mass narcolepsy among the sizable senior citizen portion of the Opry audience, and the resultant snoring disturbed those around them. For this reason George has be banned from Branson…

  6. agent713
    March 2, 2010 at 10:13 am

    “a little more older than that” Love it!

  7. Wade
    March 2, 2010 at 10:36 am

    “What poetic devices are used in the song “White Horse” by Taylor Swift?
    A vice, a chisel, a handsaw and a rubber mallet. — Stephen”

    That was perfect

    “Why does every Jamie O’Neal’s song mention an USA place if she’s Australian? – Felipe
    Because “There is no Tangambalanga” is a terrible name for a song. — Sam”

    That one made me laugh!

  8. J.R. Journey
    March 2, 2010 at 8:03 pm

    Very fine edition. I especially liked the Marblemouth Remix, guirter, and What is a guy who prefers female singers responses. Good stuff, crew.

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