2013 ACM Awards Live Blog: Because Mad Men Isn’t On Until 9
If you need to refresh your memory, this year’s list of nominees can be found here. We’ll see you at 8 p.m. Eastern.
11:05 - Juli: Please spend the rest of your evening imagining the alternate universe where Trisha and Reba got to sing tonight instead of just presenting awards.
11:03 - Juli: Well, that about does it for me. Thanks for hanging out at E145 on a Sunday night, folks, and for making these three hours a whole lot more entertaining with your comments.
11:02 - Juli: Or, I loved it until Blake and Luke started singing.
10:58 - Juli: And Stevie Wonder's gonna sing us out with "Signed, Sealed, Delivered." Not gonna lie: I love this song.
10:57 - Juli: Hoo boy, look at Taylor Swift's face. She is not a happy camper. Watch your back, Luke.
10:55 - Juli: Here comes Shania Twain to announce Entertainer of the Year. It goes to Luke Bryan. Huh.
10:51 - Juli: Is there any way Blake Shelton doesn't take home EOTY tonight?
10:48 - Juli: I'm not exactly sure why Stevie Wonder is at the ACM Awards, but I won't complain because a). he rules and b). if he weren't here, we'd probably have to listen to Blake Shelton and Luke Bryan make "funny" "jokes" for the rest of the night.
10:47 - Juli: His music isn't really my bag, but Hunter Hayes is one talented young man.
10:45 - Juli: Here's Hunter Hayes singing "I Want Crazy" with Stevie Wonder. I hope Lori McKenna makes serious bank off this song.
10:42 - Juli: Keith Urban's presenting his waxed chest. And also the Female Vocalist of the Year Award, which goes to, of course, Miranda Lambert.
10:35 - Juli: And he's joined by Strait for "The Cowboy Rides Away." Good stuff. Shame we had to sit through two and a half subpar hours to get to it.
10:33 - Juli: Here's Garth kicking things off with "The Dance" while footage of Clark plays in the background. Lovely.
10:32 - Juli: Reba's introducing the Dick Clark tribute with a sweet speech, which means it's almost time for George and Garth.
10:30 - Juli: Male Vocalist of the Year goes to Jason Aldean. Meh.
10:29 - Juli: Who is this hobo rocking his blazer Miami Vice style?
10:26 - Juli: Jewel's onstage now, singing a mash-up of her song "Hands" anzzzzzzzzz... sorry guys, I nodded off for a minute there.
10:23 - Juli: A strong performance from Kelly.
10:19 - Juli: Hey, it's Trisha Yearwood! Oh, she's just announcing Kelly Clarkson. Why do you tease me, ACM Awards?
10:08 - Juli: Luke Bryan takes the stage to sing his next single. I hope there are fewer pelvic thrusts than his last awards show performance.
10:06 - Juli: The sound is so sucky I had to turn on the closed-captioning to figure out what Brad's singing.
10:03 - Juli: Brad Paisley's sharing a stage with John Mayer. Hope you took your Valtrex, Brad.
10:02 - Juli: LL Cool J, bless his heart, is lying through his teeth as he praises the Tim and Taylor performance.
10:01 - Juli: More guitar solos, less singing, please.
Here's Tim McGraw with Taylor Swift and Keith Urban singing "Highway Don't Care." Tim's vocals sound a little shaky tonight, as do Taylor's. Cue surprised face.
9:57 - Juli: Luke Bryan has the worst comic timing. Totally dropped the ball on the Faith Hill joke/intro.
9:55 - Juli: It's a shame that The Walking Dead ended last week, because I could really go for a crossover right about now.
9:52 - Juli: A classy acceptance speech from Miranda.
9:50 - Juli: Single Record of the Year goes to "Over You."
9:48 - Juli: Interpretive dancers suspended from the ceiling in front of a giant bed. Country music, you guys.
9:46 - Juli: Little Big Town sing "On Your Side of the Bed" in front of a giant bed suspended from the ceiling. Is this necessary? Are viewers unable to visualize the lyrics without a hyper-literal set?
9:37 - Juli: Kacey Musgraves and Sheryl Crow are announcing Song of the Year. Award goes to "Over You."
9:34 - Juli: Miranda Lambert, kicking ass and serving sass on "Mama's Broken Heart."
9:31 - Juli: I worry that we have all fallen into some sort of time vortex, because it appears to be only 9:30, and yet the past 90 minutes have felt like an eternity.
9:27 - Juli: Vocal Group of the Year goes to Little Big Town. A well-deserved win for these guys, though you could easily make a case for ZBB.
9:26 - Juli: Jake Owen is dressed like the lost member of Mumford and Sons.
9:22 - Juli: Jason Aldean's up to sing "1994" while a trio of dancing skanks and a giant, bemulleted Joe Diffie head hover in the background.
9:21 - Juli: Florida Georgia Line celebrates their New Artist win with bro-hugs and a semi-coherent speech. Jana Kramer was robbed.
9:20 - Juli: Scotty McCreery, one of the only men to not show acres of waxed chest tonight--he's even wearing a tie!--is presenting the New Artist of the Year Award to, ugh, Florida Georgia Line.
9:13 - Juli: Jana Kramer's backing singers are louder than she is. That's not a bad thing tonight.
9:11 - Juli: TBP took this performance straight out of the hair metal era. But damn if I'm not entertained, even if the song isn't their best.
9:09 - Juli: Okay, so I interviewed Reid Perry last week and he was so well-spoken and thoughtful in his answers that I promised myself I wouldn't make fun of the Perry Brothers' hair.
9:07 - Juli: This would be better if there was less Blake Shelton, more Fingersnapping Backing Vocalist and Guitar Girl (Jenee Fleenor?)
9:05 - Juli: Blake Shelton's singing "Sure Be Cool If You Did." It's not a bad performance, but my word, are these lyrics god-awful.
9:02 - Juli: Here's Miranda Lambert, all gussied up, and John Fogerty getting ready to announce Album of the Year. Award goes to Eric Church's Chief.
8:58 - Juli: Ooh, a spooky set for "Two Black Cadillacs." (Someone better hold Hunter Hayes' hand so he doesn't get scared.) Carrie looks very pretty, and is sounding good too.
8:53 - Juli: My dog won't stop barking. Imagine how much watching this show would suck if you had canine super-hearing.
8:48 - Juli: Vocal Duo of the Year goes to Thompson Square. I can dig it.
8:46 - Juli: Hey, we're finally getting to see an award! Only 45 minutes into the broadcast. Oh, they're going to explain Twitter hashtags to us first.
8:45 - Juli: I would like this song more if it were called "Downton" and featured the Dowager Countess.
8:42 - Juli: Here's Lady Antebellum performing "Downtown." Charles is the most half-assed tambourine player ever. If you're going to be stuck with the tambourine, make some effort. At least the sound is better for this performance.
8:37 - Juli: Florida Georgia Line is singing "Cruise." I take back all the things I said about the crummy sound. Here, it is appropriate and appreciated.
8:34 - Juli: You can tell it's a Serious Performance from Church because he isn't wearing sunglasses and is singing into a "vintage" microphone. Plus, it's black and white, which is shorthand for "artsy."
8:33 - Juli: You get Gary Allan on your show only to have him introduce Eric Church singing "Like Jesus Does"?
8:32 - Juli: Christy G. is killing it in the comments: As bad as Chesney's last few songs have been, he can't afford sleeves.
8:30 - Juli: During the commercials, I've been flipping over to Law & Order: SVU reruns. Stabler is taking this case way too personally, you guys. I'm a little worried.
8:27 - Juli: The crowd gives King George a standing ovation, one that's well deserved since his vocals were recorded on the bottom of the ocean, apparently.
8:25 - Juli: The sound tonight is awful. But: yay, George Strait. (On the other hand, what will we have to look forward to the rest of the broadcast?)
8:22 - Juli: Eli Young Band keeps it short to introduce George Strait.
8:21 - Juli: That Hunter Hayes can play a mean guitar, even though it's past his bedtime. Way to go, fella!
8:20 - Juli: Is it just my ancient TV, or do the vocals sound muffled to anyone else?
8:18 - Juli: Up now: Brad Paisley trading guitar licks with Hunter Hayes.
8:16 - Juli: Oh, lordy. It's only 8:15? Who's playing on Sunday Night Baseball?
8:12 - Juli: I would forgive Kenny Chesney this half-hearted performance if his "Pirate Flag" lyrics contained just one reference to scurvy.
8:10 - Juli: Kenny Chesney is singing his new song "Beachy Beach Island Beer Beach." Or something.
8:07 - Juli: Blake and Luke make Brad and Carrie look like Amy and Tina. This is an awful opening monologue.
8:06 - Juli: Does Luke Bryan know how to read? He seems to be having some difficulty with the teleprompter.
8:05 - Juli: We're five minutes, one crappy performance, and two testicle jokes in. (That's what she said.)
8:02 - Juli: Blake and Luke are joined by Sheryl Crow. Save us, Pistol Annies.
8:01 - Juli: And we start the Academy of Country Music Awards with...rap.
7:37 - Juli: Based on the red carpet looks of country's men, I'm guessing some Vegas chest-waxer is rolling in the dough this weekend.
7:27 - Juli: I am a little worried about the fine motor skills of the gentlemen on the red carpet. Not a single one seems able to button his shirt above the sternum.
7:23 - Juli: Vocal Event of the Year goes to Jason Aldean with Luke Bryan and Eric Church, "The Only Way I Know."
7:14 - Juli: Looks like Little Big Town won Video of the Year for "Tornado."
6:52 - Juli: Testing...