2011 American Country Awards Live Blog

Juli Thanki | December 5th, 2011

The inaugural American Country Awards broadcast was the worst thing to hit television since Cop Rock (relive the memories with last year’s live blog). But we’re nothing if not optimists–and gluttons for punishment–so we’ll be live blogging this year’s awards in all of their fan-voted glory. Here’s a list of this year’s nominees. The festivities start at 8pm Eastern on Fox.

10:01 - Karlie: Just think - it could have been three hours! I love you all, but not upset I only had to sit through 120 minutes with everyone tonight. Thanks, Juli!

10:01 - Juli: Hooray, the credits are rolling! Thanks as always to my fantastic blog buddy Karlie, and for all of you who suffered through another awards show with us.

9:59 - Juli: Remember when Toby Keith had interesting and good singles like "We Were in Love" and "Should've Been a Cowboy"? Those memories are fading with each second.

9:59 - Karlie: Let's just pretend this is irony at its best, a knowing wink at songwriting and artistry in the 21st century. Yeah...

9:57 - Juli: Why what is this I can't even. I need to lay down.

9:56 - Juli: Hey, it's Stephen Colbert! He's already funnier than every joke from our hosts.

9:55 - Karlie: No women on the Artist of the Decade list. But the dude behind "Red Solo Cup" tops it out.

9:55 - Juli: Toby Keith is Artist of the Decade. Seriously, no Reba anywhere on that list? Lame.

9:53 - Juli: Guess the Aldean Army was in full force.

9:53 - Karlie: Jason Aldean snags six awards tonight. Nothing snarky comes to mind.

9:52 - Juli: Aldean is Artist of the Year.

9:51 - Karlie: Miranda Lambert! Alas, only presenting.

9:46 - Karlie: Back of Alabaman's shirt: WE'RE BACK.

9:42 - Karlie: Sometimes it's easy to forget, but Alabama's music is pretty special. Super country and all about the South, without any of today's misguided Jason Aldean and Luke Bryan pitfalls.

9:40 - Juli: I do believe so, Karlie.

9:39 - Karlie: Brad Paisley introduces Alabama on the awkwardly shaped overhead screen. Coupled with his big cowboy hat, the result is like a carnival mirror. (Much like this from the comments, via Matt Bjorke: From @ChrisWillman on Twitter: So, Trace Adkins and Kristin Chenoweth are supposed to be Brad and Carrie in a funhouse mirror, right? I get it now. #ACAs

9:39 - Juli: Brad Paisley gives thanks for his Male Artist of the Year award via video and then introduces Alabama.

9:39 - Karlie: Juli, would that make Reba the only female on the list?

9:38 - Juli: Tim McGraw is #2 on the Artist of the Decade countdown. I'll guess #1 is Reba.

9:35 - Karlie: Back to the Pistol Annies poll: My favorite is "Housewife's Prayer."

9:33 - Karlie: Chenoweth's crazy eyes are the highlights of tonight's hosting.

9:31 - Juli: Kristin Chenoweth is singing a song about an ex-boyfriend. I hope it's Aaron Sorkin.

9:31 - Juli: This is Carrie's third award tonight.

9:31 - Karlie: Poor Carrie. She only wins at awards shows like the ACAs.

9:31 - Juli: Nope. It's Carrie.

9:30 - Karlie: Next up: Female Artist of the Year. Could it be Miranda?

9:26 - Juli: I have Rhinestone and Straight Talk on DVD. Lordy, do I love a bad Dolly movie. This looks like another one to add to the collection.

9:25 - Juli: Things more entertaining than the awards show: a baby chimpanzee spinning around until he gets dizzy.

9:25 - Karlie: Dolly Parton Glee-Like Movie with Queen Latifah commercial!

9:23 - Juli: Props to the cameraman filming Miranda who can keep his eyes "up here."

9:23 - Karlie: I'd certainly take 1980s country over this 90s pop-rock song Blake Shelton is doing right now. 

9:21 - Juli: Is the decade the 1980s?

9:20 - Juli: George Strait comes in at #4 in the Artist of the Year countdown. Any bets on who'll take the top spot?

9:20 - Karlie: Can I assume the Artist of the Decade is going to Alabama, since that performance is being teased?

9:18 - Juli: So is anyone surprised that John Rich got thrown off a Southwest Vegas-to-Nashville flight for being (allegedly) too drunk?

9:16 - Juli: Or, you know, the CMA Awards. Which we live blogged. I don't think anyone got dressed up for our live blog, which is kind of the whole point.

9:15 - Juli: I remember she wore craaaazy earrings for our CMA live blog. There may have been feathers on them.

9:14 - Karlie: Note to readers: Neither of your live bloggers tonight knows Mrs. Thompson Square's name.

9:13 - Karlie: Is the female half of Thompson Square wearing sparkly pantyhose?

9:13 - Juli: To borrow from Go Fug Yourself, is the lady half of Thompson Square wearing a used vacuum cleaner bag? At least they sound good.

9:11 - Juli: Single of the Year by a Group: Thompson Square's "Are You Gonna Kiss Me or Not?"

9:11 - Karlie: Speaking of creepy: Every time the announcer dude says "Are you going to kiss me...or not?" I look over my shoulder.

9:10 - Juli: I am pretty sure that The Big Show could bench press Rascal Flatts.

9:08 - Juli: Artist of the Decade #5 is Alan Jackson.

9:08 - Karlie: Ah, Alan Jackson at #5. I was really holding out for a performance by him.

9:06 - Juli: Hey, let's talk about good music for a second: the Guy Clark tribute album, This One's for Him, officially comes out tomorrow. It's so good, you guys. Full of Rodney Crowell and Rosanne Cash and Vince Gill and lots of other top-notch artists.

9:02 - Juli: Scotty's acceptance speech: "Dadgum Telecaster." I didn't know anyone who wasn't Foghorn Leghorn said "dadgum."

9:04 - Karlie: I wish we could go back in time and live blog country award shows from the 90s. In the meantime, I'll just peruse this article on seven movie websites that haven't been updated since they came out.

9:02 - Karlie: Scotty  is obviously also creeped out by the Jane Dear Girls.

9:01 - Juli: Has anyone else noticed Scotty's tendency to tilt his head to the right with each line? It's like he's trying to rest his head on his own shoulder. Slightly disconcerting.

9:01 - Karlie: Actually, Juli, Stabler is no longer on payroll. Not that I obsessively watch SVU. Or believe that Stabler is a real person and not just on TV.

9:00 - Juli: Button your shirt up, Scotty. I feel like Benson and Stabler are going to kick down the door at any minute.

8:59 - Juli: ...Scotty McCreery. Who is now singing.

8:59 - Karlie: "You're only new once" - or four or five times, in award show years. New Artist of the Year goes to...

8:58 - Karlie: The Jane Dear Girls give me the creeps.

8:57 - Juli: #6 on the Artist of the Decade countdown: Brooks & Dunn.

8:55 - Juli: Poll: Favorite Pistol Annies Song? (Mine is "Bad Example." Or "Trailer for Rent." Or...)

8:54 - Karlie: So, uh, now can they sing all the other songs on the new album?

8:54 - Juli: Hey, we're almost halfway through the show! I like these two-hour broadcasts.

8:52 - Karlie: Hoping for a mash-up, but at least getting "Hell on Heels."

8:51 - Juli: The Pistol Annies look straight from the set of the Gem Saloon on Deadwood. I love it.

8:51 - Karlie: PISTOL ANNIES.

8:51 - Juli: Pistol Annies! Save us, girls!

8:50 - Karlie: Jason Aldean is looking to seamlessly blend his beard in with his chest hair.

8:49 - Juli: Jason Aldean wins Album of the Year. Sob.

8:46 - Karlie: "Mr. Trace" refusing to read lines by "Ms. Kristen." Until a dude bigger than Trace shows up.

8:46 - Juli: #7 Artist of the Decade: Rascal Flatts.

8:43 - Juli: Jason Aldean is going to get the rapping duck from the Aflac commercial to guest on his next single.

8:42 - Karlie: But!!! I spot a steel guitar there in the back of that performance.

8:41 - Juli: Eli Young Band is singing "Crazy Girl" while a bunch of unhinged, glowstick-wielding chicks in the crowd sing along like they're having the time of their lives and aren't at the most boring awards show ever.

8:41 - Karlie: Eli Young Band sounding a little shaky, with lots of electric guitar and light shows.

8:39 - Karlie: From Mike M in the comments: I love me some Garth but does anyone else think it's weird that Garth Brooks is ahead of Brad Paisley and Keith Urban for artist of THIS decade? And why did they show a music video from 20 years ago? 

8:38 - Juli: Blake also won Best Video by a Male Artist. Guess we're getting a lot of twofers tonight.

8:38 - Juli: ...Blake Shelton.

8:37 - Karlie: Music Video of the Year goes to...

8:35 - Juli: Trace just carried Kristen onstage in one of those baby harness things. I picked a wrong week to quit drinking.

8:36 - Karlie: We're going to ignore what just happened. (Alright, alright: Chenoweth was strapped to Adkins' chest via a contraption usually reserved for small babies.)

8:34 - Juli: Garth Brooks is #8 in the Artist of the Decade countdown.

8:33 - Juli: They actually asked me to dance in the "Badonkadonk" intro, Karlie. But I couldn't pass up the opportunity to live blog from my sofa.

8:31 - Karlie: Juli, I didn't even notice those were two different awards. You must be keeping your heart rate up and focus intact with Country Dance II.

8:31 - Juli: You should get Country Dance II for anyone you hate this holiday season.

8:29 - Juli: Chris also just won Breakthrough Artist of the Year. Cramming two awards and a song into four minutes leaves more time for Trace Adkins. Wheeeee.

8:29 - Juli: More Chris Young, less unfunny schtick about dropped Telecasters.

8:28 - Karlie: Chris, please stop procrastinating on releasing "Neon" as a single. It's time. I love you.

8:25 - Juli: Yay, Chris Young won "Single of the Year." But didn't "Voices" come out like a thousand years ago? Oh, and he is accepting by...playing the song. Not gonna complain.

8:26 - Karlie: I refuse to give merit to any awards category that nominates Tim McGraw's "Felt Good On My Lips."

8:24 - Karlie: What are these Artist of the Decade shenanigans? I was too distracted by...well...nothing on this show.

8:23 - Juli: Counting down the Artist of the Decade: Keith Urban is #10, Brad Paisley #9.

8:23 - Karlie: "Wow, that was awesome!" - Chenoweth on Band Perry. 

8:20 - Juli: So I think my goal of Reba Triceps just got replaced with Kimberly Triceps. Girl's got some guns. And she sounds good tonight.

8:19 - Karlie: You heard it here first, folks - The Band Perry is dropping "The." Or maybe Trace just didn't read the teleprompter correctly when introducing its performance.

8:19 - Juli: The Band Perry takes the stage to sing "All Your Life." Are any of them old enough to be in the casino?

8:18 - Karlie: Oh, oh, oh! Shot of the Pistol Annies rehearsing. Quite possibly worth this entire 2-hour charade.

8:14 - Juli: "That was awesome, the badonkadonk and whatnot." Oh, Carrie. You are too nice.

8:14 - Juli: And the winner is: Carrie Underwood for "Mama's Song."

8:13 - Karlie: First award of the night - Single by a Female. Not to be confused with Single White Female.

8:11 - Juli: Jordin Sparks and Josh Turner head out to announce...something, as Jordin faux-strong arms Josh into singing "Your Man." They both sound a lot better than Adkins and Chenoweth.

8:11 - Karlie: Josh Turner and Jordin Sparks present first. At least they played Josh's music as they walked out.

8:10 - Karlie: Really, a reprise of "Honkytonk Badonkadonk," with stuffed pants? This isn't what Jamey wanted.

8:10 - Juli: Oh my. Cheno's sporting a Booty Pop.

8:07 - Juli: Can someone get Chenoweth a milk crate to stand on?

8:06 - Karlie: Here's hoping Kristin Chenoweth is a shot in the arm too Trace's hosting style. Snooooooze.

8:03 - Juli: Oh, man, Karlie. Charlie Brown Christmas is on.

8:02 - Karlie: Y'all. Trace Adkins' ear mic is a CONFEDERATE FLAG.

8:02 - Juli: Now Trace has moved on to "Just Fishin'." If this "bad song followed by a good song" pattern repeats, tonight will only be slightly painful.

8:00 - Juli: How much did I love Miranda's stone face during "Honky Tonk Badonkadonk"? So much.

8:00 - Karlie: "Honkytonk Badonkadonk" is the closest we'll get to Jamey Johnson tonight, I'm afraid. And we're off...

7:52 - Juli: If there are no acts of ventriloquism, it'll be an improvement over last year's broadcast.

7:48 - Karlie: Things I'm looking forward to: The Pistol Annies performance. Things I'm not looking forward to: Everything else.

7:43 - Juli: Testing...

30 Comments

  1. Jeremy Dylan
    December 5, 2011 at 10:32 pm
    Early on in her career, a talent agent told Janney that her height would limit her to playing aliens and lesbians.
  2. Matt Bjorke
    December 5, 2011 at 10:13 pm
    Female Thompson Square artist Shawna, Male: Kiefer.
  3. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 10:01 pm
    Kyle Busch should punch Toby Keith. NASCAR can't fine him here.
  4. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 10:01 pm
    Not one female Artist of the Decade, but all they show in the crowd shots is hot women, and all the women on stage have mandated cleavage. Thanks for embarrassing me country music.
  5. Mike M
    December 5, 2011 at 10:00 pm
    I think I need to shower after this.
  6. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 9:57 pm
    Hold em high folks! Let's all toast the onset of idiocracy!
  7. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 9:56 pm
    The Ford Truck man. Someone hand me a red solo cup to catch this vomit.
  8. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 9:53 pm
    OK Jason, use your words.
  9. Juli Thanki
    December 5, 2011 at 9:51 pm
    #3 was Kenny Chesney, I think.
  10. Mike M
    December 5, 2011 at 9:45 pm
    Really worthless question but who was #3 artist of the decade? Oh and favorite Pistol Annies song is
  11. Jeremy Dylan
    December 5, 2011 at 9:33 pm
    Favorite Pistol Annies song? Takin' Pills.
  12. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 9:31 pm
    Hopefully Kyle Busch will spin this whole thing into the turn 3 wall.
  13. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 9:17 pm
    I didn't know leather straitjackets were in style. Noted.
  14. Matt Bjorke
    December 5, 2011 at 8:57 pm
    From @ChrisWillman on Twitter: So, Trace Adkins and Kristin Chenoweth are supposed to be Brad and Carrie in a funhouse mirror, right? I get it now. #ACAs
  15. Carrie
    December 5, 2011 at 8:57 pm
    Favorite Pistol Annies song? Lemon Drop.
  16. Jeremy Dylan
    December 5, 2011 at 8:50 pm
    Allison is the only cast member of The West Wing to win more than one Primetime Emmy for their work on the show. She won in 2000, 2001, 2002, and 2004.
  17. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 8:46 pm
    Don't forget Mike M, this is being held in Garth Vegas.
  18. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 8:43 pm
    Nothing says country like a British belt buckle and and hair with more moose than the Canadian wilderness.
  19. Mike M
    December 5, 2011 at 8:38 pm
    I love me some Garth but does anyone else think it's weird that Garth Brooks is ahead of Brad Paisley and Keith Urban for artist of THIS decade? And why did they show a music video from 20 years ago?
  20. Jeremy Dylan
    December 5, 2011 at 8:31 pm
    Wasn't Janney in the Broadway adaptation of "9 to 5"? She's perfect for the 2012 ACAs. Perhaps, but I think she'd be a better fit co-hosting the AMAs with Jim Lauderdale.
  21. Juli Thanki
    December 5, 2011 at 8:25 pm
    That's species-ist, Saving Country Music. The preferred term is "fivehead."
  22. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 8:24 pm
    Kristin Chenoweth = Klingon forehead
  23. Juli Thanki
    December 5, 2011 at 8:23 pm
    Wasn't Janney in the Broadway adaptation of "9 to 5"? She's perfect for the 2012 ACAs.
  24. Jeremy Dylan
    December 5, 2011 at 8:23 pm
    While struggling to make it as an actress, Allison told people who asked what she did for a living that she was a photographer for "National Geographic."
  25. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 8:21 pm
    Did they give the shill crowd glow sticks, pacifiers, and Ecstasy? Or just glow sticks?
  26. Jeremy Dylan
    December 5, 2011 at 8:20 pm
    Jeremy, I'd give an arm to have Allison Janney host this show. That would fit in well with my plan for Total Janney Domination of all media.
  27. Juli Thanki
    December 5, 2011 at 8:09 pm
    Jeremy, I'd give an arm to have Allison Janney host this show.
  28. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 8:08 pm
    Took all but 2 minutes to see the first failed bit.
  29. Jeremy Dylan
    December 5, 2011 at 8:08 pm
    The height disparity between Adkins and Chenoweth reminds me of her scenes with Allison Janney on THE WEST WING.
  30. Saving Country Music
    December 5, 2011 at 8:07 pm
    Took all but 10 seconds to see the first Affliction T-Shirt of the night.